There was a massive earthquake that measured red on the hellter scale. Everyone was mortified that even the damned souls forgot their agony for a second. They all shut up.

Lucifer: [Tail stops wiggling in extreme anger. Grits teeth] Who the fuck said that? [Each word came out with studied resolve to find all synonyms to the word 'rage'] I said, who the fuck said that?

Suddenly, there was a stir somewhere in the crowd that left one terrified demon isolated in the middle of a contemptuous bunch. He pee’d in his pants which was an even greater embarassment because, you see, he had pee’d fire.

A year later:
The Tourist’s Guide to Hell (Ch 16, Pg 92) – “…to this day no one knows exactly what happened to that demon. Prominent rumours are he was indefinitely banished to Switzerland to suffer the anguish of so much peace…”

Today:
7a.m the next day finds the Devil seated in an office, cross-legged, opposite a young unsmiling lady wearing specs. They were ill-fitted because one of her horns had an abnormal branch just under the left ear. She didn’t care, though. Just like she didn’t give a hoot about anything other than the man seated infront of her. Who was she to deserve such an astounding presence? She was only a shrink. They sat in silence as each waited for the other to say something. Anything. Even the screams of the burning souls could be heard five miles away through reinforced soundproof glass.

Lucifer: You know you have the oddest name around here?

Odd name: [No facial expression whatsoever] Oh yeah? No I don’t. Enlighten me.

Lucifer: Stpdstdmnsssb. No vowels. How do even pronounce that?

Stpdstdmnsssb: How did you just pronounce it?

Lucifer: I didn’t. You notice it was typed. Unless of course you’re so dumb to see that. Do you know that if someone inserted a few vowels and spaces in your name they would get the words ‘Stupidest demon’? And ‘Sick Silly Son of a Bitch’ to go with the extra consonants? Huh, and I thought I was fucked.

Stupid demon: [Still expressionless] I sense some anger here. Where do you figure it comes from?

Lucifer: “Where do…” I hate being rhetorical but are you stupid? First I come in here and the welcome question is “who are you?” Now this? Where do you figure I come from? Why do you figure I exist? Why do you figure the world is…it’s the essence of my existence you dumb fuck.

Dumb Fuck: I only asked about who you are to help you figure yourself out. It’s the reason you and I are here in the first place [No expression]

Lucifer: [Silent for a minute] It’s ‘me and you’ not ‘you and I’… And your fuckin’ face scares the hell out of me, you know that? No matter how much I try to annoy you, you sit there without a single frown on your face.

Scary Face: I don’t mean any disrespect, Sir, but it’s ‘you and I’.

Lucifer: [Sigh. Then softly] Do you know how old I am? Do you even know…

The door bursts open to let in a panicky demon.

Demon: Sorry to interrupt, Your Evilness, but we have a serious situation.

Lucifer: [Barks] Can’t you see I’m busy here?

Demon: I’m afraid it’s very important, Sir.

Lucifer: What! And it better be damn important.

Demon: [Timidly] Sir, the story ends here.