Lemme guess. Facebook told you there’s porn here. You sick pervert! He lied. But because you came, well, maybe just one ka-pic.

What happened to the last interviewer?

He died.

What? You sound awfully calm for a bearer of such news? When did he die?

He didn’t say. Look, can we get straight to why we’re here?

Yes, sorry. Could you tell us something interesting about you?

Who?

You. Your personality, your likes, your dislikes…

Oh. Well, um, my dislikes don’t talk to me much so I can’t say much about them either. Then again, my likes are too many for this interview so I’ll pick out just one: Women’s buttocks.

Hahahaha. You…

That’s an improvement.

I’m sorry?

You laughed. The last guy just went “LOL”.

… Anyway, so why the name Rentedmess?

Well, like I confided in the dude before, I am an ass; a mess. It’s flattering and quite boastful I know but hey, I can’t deny my superstar assness. The Rented bit was just a meaningless addition. Just for just.

So the Rented is actually useless?

No. Try to keep up. It’s an addition. Just for just. Does that sound useless to you? Women!

Hey! I am not a woman.

If it makes you sleep better.

Seriously, what’s wrong with you?

I’m Erique. What could be wronger?

You have issues, man. Do you want us to stop here?

Is that part of the interview?

No, I just…

I only answer interview questions.

Okay, two more questions. It says here you like Rock music. What do you think of Rachel K’s rock…

You foul-mouthed fuck!

Come on! You can’t use such offensive language here.

You started it.

What did I say?

Rachel K.

Yeah! That’s a Ugandan musician.

What? Male or female?

Gosh! Okay, last question. Who do you consider your role model?

That one down there. I don’t know about the role part but she certainly covers the model bit.